Lesson 2: You don't need to be a host to win a girl's heart
by thirteenchrysanthemums
Summary: Otae learns that not all men are perverted gorillas.


**Before you read, here are a few things you should remind yourself of:**

**Honjo Kyoshiro is the blonde male host of the male host club Takamagahara in episode 54 of the anime.**

**Despite this being set after chapter 505 I've given them the appearances they have in the second movie. Confusing? Yes, I know. Sorry!**

* * *

The clock had just struck midnight but Snack Smile was not planning on closing anytime soon. Although business was practically nonexistent during the daytime, the sudden influx of depressed men once the sun disappeared was enough to compensate for their lack of sales. If there was any place that relied on the woes of the working men of Kabuki District, Snack Smile was definitely it.

After several hours of engaging in sweet-talking, pouring wine and abusing gorilla-like stalkers, Shimura Tae was thinking of calling it a day (or rather, a night) and retiring home early (of course she'd gently make her employer understand). Even though Matsudaira didn't drop by today with his baggage of problems in the form of Tokugawa ShigeShige, being the main attraction of Snack Smile on a regular basis did take its toll on her some days more than others, today being one of those days. Besides, the cheesy green-haired man whom she was entertaining was starting to annoy her with his excessively sweet compliments ("Your beauty shines with the intensity of a thousand suns") and poorly disguised attempts to grope her godos ("Is that a stain on your shirt? Here, let me take care of it.").

And so, with a practised smile adorning her face, Tae stealthily slipped several laxatives into his glass of Dom Perignon and patiently waited for it to take effect. When the sweaty man in the tailored suit finally felt his bowels loosen, he stood up and briefly excused himself from the company of his favourite hostess to use one of Snack Smile's bathrooms, only to find all of them coincidentally occupied. Seeing as his tortured rectum was struggling to hold in his…excrements… the man had no choice but to leave the bar and find the nearest place to dump his contents. With a tearful farewell (on his part), he bolted out of the club, adopting the strangest posture in his legs as he did so, while Tae stood outside and waved wearing her signature tightlipped grin.

However, just before she turned back to enter her workplace, the older Shimura caught sight of something on the other side of the street which made her perform an instant double-take.

Sitting in Takamagahara, surrounded by dozens of overly-enthusiastic male hosts, was a very drunk Kagura.

Tae didn't know what was more worrying, the fact that Kagura was here alone or that she was comfortably tucked under the arm of the dashing Honjo Kyoshiro, or was it the fact that she was too drunk to function?

Now she had never witnessed the young Amanto intoxicated (Gin-san probably never let her touch liqueur) nor had she seen Kagura loitering around such scandalous parts of the district at this hour of the day. But the image of the redhead acting ridiculously feminine with a rosy hue painted on her cheeks (since when did Kagura-chan twirl her hair and bat her eyelashes?) was enough of an indicator that she was not in her usual state of mind. Upon further inspection, Tae confirmed that neither her little brother nor Gintoki were present, which lead her to the assumption that the Yato-girl was here without their knowledge.

Without a moment's hesitation, Tae disregarded her duties as a rival hostess and marched towards the male host club across the street, intent on protecting her (un-biological) younger sister from flirtatious men and then reprimanding Kagura on her reckless behaviour.

Yet the moment she opened the door, the brunette was met with another surprise.

"I hate him, yes! He can go rot in hell with his stupid chains and whips for all I care!"

"That's the spirit, Kagura-chan! You shouldn't let any man walk over you."

What man was Kagura talking about? Was she in a relationship? Tae abandoned any thought of interrupting their conversation once she realised that Kyoshiro was not seducing her, but rather, comforting her. As for the rest of the overly-enthusiastic male hosts seated around them, while their eagerness appeared - at a distance - to have been for perverse reasons, now that she was within hearing range and could see them better, she realised that their excitement was akin to that of girls listening to each other's boyfriend problems. And so, she decided to hover by the entrance door and watch the show from there (where she was still close enough to beat the living daylights out of them if necessary).

"Yeah Kagura-chan, you can do better!"

"Really? You think so?"

"Of course!" Tae chuckled, grinning widely at the men's synchronised response and fervent nods. 'Like girls at a slumber party' she mused, not registering the brush of an arm against hers as someone else (probably another customer) entered the club.

"In fact," Kyoshiro piped in, "We can find a better guy for you-"

"That won't be necessary."

Tae started at the unfamiliar voice, as did the rest of the occupants of the table. Her eyes darted back and forth, scanning the perimeter for the intruder, only to rest themselves on the back of a flaxen-haired man who vaguely looked like Rurouni Kenshin. Although she couldn't see much more than his back profile (gazing wondrously at his long ponytail), it was obvious from the rigidness of his shoulders that he was not pleased at the sight before him.

Apparently, neither was Kagura.

"What the fuck are you doing here?!" She sputtered, inadvertently crushing the glass she held in her hand with her vice grip as the pink in her cheeks grew in intensity (yet Tae knew it was due to rage, not embarrassment). While the male hosts were frightened by her sudden display of aggression - immediately escaping from the table under the pretence of having other customers to serve - the man in the red kimono appeared unfazed.

"I should be asking you that, dumbass." While Tae was slowly beginning to recognise the man's monotonous drawl, she still couldn't match the voice with a name. "It's none of your business." was what she heard her younger sister reply, with such hatred manifested in those words that Tae had a feeling that comment meant more to the pair then she was aware of. From the rapidly darkening aura surrounding the amanto, she gathered that this stranger was responsible for the redhead's drunken stupor.

She was about to make her way towards their table to prevent a brawl from breaking out between the pair, when the man carried out a most unanticipated gesture. He sighed, yanking Kyoshiro (who was the only host still at the table) away from Kagura and grabbed her newly injured hand to inspect the damage she'd caused herself, pulling her towards him in the process.

"China, I knew you were a masochist, but this is too much." He shook his head patronisingly at the intoxicated lady sitting below him, and proceeded to pull out the shards of glass embedded into her skin with surprising care.

Said lady may have been inebriated, but she wasn't gone to the point that she wasn't aware of what she was doing. She simply didn't care about her actions and the impact they would have on the sadist tonight. If he could go off doing and saying stupid things without considering her feelings on a regular basis, why couldn't she do that to him for once?

Glaring silently at the man standing beside her, Kagura didn't even so much as wince when she felt the glass pieces being removed from her palm.

"I'm the only one allowed to cause you pain." He murmured quietly. As he shifted his gaze from the fresh cuts in the girl's hand to the girl herself, crimson met cerulean, and he realised that the hurt in her eyes was all his doing, nobody else's. He had come here to reprimand her for being so impulsive and insensitive, unnecessarily causing other people to worry (back at the Yorozuya residence the glasses stand was fretting like a true mother-hen while Danna was pathetically failing at feigning nonchalance) when ironically, he was doing the same thing to her.

His mind flickers back to their most recent encounter:

* * *

_Sougo was casually slacking off of his policemen duties on the usual park bench, his legs crossed and arms folded behind his head as his eye-mask shut him off from the rest of the world. However, before he could properly doze off, he felt a weight settle beside him on the bench._

_He didn't even need to inhale her flowery scent to know it was the China girl (but he did anyway). Besides, even though he would never admit it aloud, they both knew he skived work for her. Over the years their spars grew in frequency and became a daily routine (he wisely chose not to comment on their other activities which followed the fights). What's more, he could always just say he was "protecting the citizens from danger" if Hijikata-san showed up (which would then be a valid reason to kill the vice commander since his smoking and mayonnaise habits were a danger to them all)._

_While their silence was initially companionable that afternoon, it quickly became tense. A few moments later, he grew tired of waiting for her to say or do something, "What do you want."_

_Her response was instant, "You didn't tell me you fought baKamui."_

_The amanto's words reminded him of that unpleasant encounter he had with the bloodthirsty alien where he neither lost nor won. If it wasn't for the interruption, Sougo knew he would have gotten away with a lot more than a wound inches above his heart and a kunai in his hand._

_Even though she hadn't mentioned it at the time, he suspected that they were siblings during their fight, only to have his suspicions confirmed when he witnessed the last moments of their sibling match after his recovery._

_"How long were you planning on keeping it a secret from me?"_

_When her words met silence a second time, Kagura snatched the eye-mask off of his face and met his annoyed stare with a venomous glare of her own._

_"It was ages ago, China. Why does it matter now?"_

_Her eyebrows furrowed, a sight that he usually enjoyed seeing, but today things were different. "Why does it matter?" She echoed, raising her hand. Okita stilled, preparing himself for a sock in the jaw at point blank range. However, China was full of surprises today. Instead of kissing his face with her fist, she yanked down the collar of his uniform. He pondered making a joke at her eagerness to get "down and dirty" with him, but immediately opted for silence once she caught sight of his bandaged chest._

_"This is why it matters, a'hou." She growled, "How could you let me fight you with this? Why didn't you tell me about nii-chan?"_

_'Because I knew you'd react like this,' the policeman thought, but in reality he said, 'It's none of your business.'_

_Her reaction was not what he'd expected. Instead of taking this as a cue to start their spar for the day, Kagura slowly stood up and, with her back towards him, muttered, "None of my business, huh?…if you say so."_

_With that, she walked away, not sparing the puzzled man behind her another glance._

_Okita - confused by her demeanour - shrugged it off for the moment, assuming that she'd return to her usual self the next day. It was only later on that night when he met the male members of the Odd Jobs, that he realised how wrong he was._

* * *

And now he wished he had arrived sooner. Seeing his rival/friend/whatever-she-was in such a pathetic state because of him caused guilt and self-loathing to eat away at his insides. He wanted to apologise but he knew that now wasn't the best time, especially not in front of all these nosy people.

"Let's go, China musume," she looked up, surprised by his uncharacteristic manner of address, and after a few moments of hesitation he added in "Danna and megane are worried about you". Despite her anger towards him, Kagura knew that this was the closest she'd get to having the sadist admit that he was concerned about her wellbeing and her wrath diminished, albeit slightly, at that. Besides, his actions have always spoken much louder than his words and she knew that his presence here of all places was not something to take for granted.

Yet she still couldn't completely forgive him for being an asshole.

The yato-girl stood up to give him a piece of her mind, only to really feel the effects of drinking too much wine and stumbled on her footing. After witnessing the uncharacteristic display of affection by Okita Sougo (yes, she had finally recognised him at this point) Tae was expecting the scene to play out like a stereotypical Shoujo manga, where Sougo would wrap his arm around Kagura's waist to prevent her from falling.

He didn't.

Instead, he released his hold on her hand and watched her plummet onto the table like a dead fish, "You assnugget! How DARE you let a young maiden fall-" only to sweep her off of her feet and into his muscled arms with ease ("Don't move me so quickly shithead! I think I'm gonna puke…")

While all the spectators "aww-ed" at the police officer's romantic gesture, Sougo smirked at the girl cradled in his arms, 'If she pukes now, she'll be puking on herself.'

After promising Kyoshiro that he'd pay for her drinks and the damage caused (with Hijikata-san's money of course), Okita walked out of the host club, passing by his China's anego without sparing her a glance. The brunette smiled at his antics, knowing he was too preoccupied with the woman in his arms to recognise anybody at this point. Even if the man was a hardcore sadist, she knew she had found another person whom she could trust to take care of Kagura.

With that, Shimura Tae walked back to Snack Smile where she would sign out of her shift, go home and ponder the oddities of young love.

* * *

"…you're an asshole."

"I know."

"…you really hurt my feelings today."

"I know."

"…I was only trying to make sure you were okay."

"I know."

"You could have-"

"China."

"What?"

"I'm sorry."

"…"

"You're as red as your hair."

"Shut up."

* * *

**In all honesty I should be studying. My external exams are in May/June and I can't afford to screw these ones up or else I won't get into uni. Consider this the outcome of my stress.**

**I'm very sorry for all the errors made here. This is unedited.**

**I'm also very sorry for the lack of standard in this fic (although that would imply that I assume all my fics have standard which is not what I'm suggesting here). I don't even know what genre this fic is in.**

**Have a great weekend guys!**

**(AND PRAISE THE LORD THAT GINTAMA IS COMING BAAAAAAAAACK)**

**To read the Vietnamese translation for this lesson, copy and paste the link below (add the "https" part at the start and the ".-c-o-m-/" (without the dashes in between) after "wordpress") into your search bar:**

**ngoaikhoibobiencuathienchua. wordpress 2016/07/08/fic-dich-to%CC%89ng-ho%CC%A3p-thirteenchrysanthemums-gintama-lesson-1234567/**

**All credit for the translation goes to the lovely Ginoki!**


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